you lift me up continued

weeeeeeeee i think i've figured it out..maybe. i titled this you lift me up because as i'm sitting here typing, listening to josh groban, trying not to lose it dealing w/ the computer.



i have been constantly thinking about what i should do regarding my move. i go back and forth, over and over again. i really miss my family and friends, but i'm beginning to get a connection here. i love living in the country and watching george, my roommate, work out in the yard and the garden. i love watching rinney and oliver running and chasing each other around the yard. george does a good job of taking care of me when i need help. i've gotten to the place that i have a really hard time opening things, whether its food containers or laundry soap. today my left leg, which i've had problems with in the past, is really acting up, to the point i'm afraid to run to the store..meaning afraid to drive and also to walk. afraid i'll end up on my face. i'm sure it will get better, but it's still an issue. i know if i live here, i'll have george right in the same house to help me. in kc i'll be in my own apartment and that worries me some.



now i know my family and friends want me to come back. i've been told they want to take care of me. i appreciate that. but i'm afraid if i come back, it will be that i'm giving up and just waiting to die....but i'm not waiting. i'm living. george is more than just a roommate. we're really good friends. i enjoy his company, most of the time. lol.

back when i found out i had ms, one of the first things i did was get rid of my vehicle because it was a manual. that was back in 2000. 9 years later what am i driving? a stick shift..and except for today, i have no problem driving it. i jumped the gun. i could have kept my truck and tracker and not gone into debt for the ford, only to have it repo'd at a later time. i was trying to prepare for what "could" happen. i've lived most my life that way. i'm not going to do that any more. i will have preparations for when my day comes....no big deal...i want to make it as simple as i can on whomever is with me at the time. there's a song by edgar winter called "dying to live". its all about living to die or dying to live. it's all a choice. my choice is living every minute of every day. not just sitting here waiting for my maker to take me. i don't believe he wants me to do that.

so what am i going to do..stay or go..hell if i know for sure. but i do know for sure today i'm happy. i do know for sure i love my family. i do know for sure that i love all my friends, old or new. i do know for sure that jesus will continue to lift me up.....